And the winner is...

JAMES BENEDICT HABERMAN

We are very excited to announce our little boy's name and are so happy that he has such a BIG name as he is already such a BIG part of our lives. We have put a lot of thought into James' name and we are confident that it is very fitting for him. Here was our thought process on choosing our little boy's name...

As far as James goes, we have seen many signs over the past few days. James is a name that we had thought of as it is a family name (my father's middle name and both of his grandfathers), but it was one name out of a few. Each of our children has one family name (Emily "Bernadette", "George" Matthew, and Luke "Thomas"), so we thought it fitting that James also has a family name. I had mentioned to my friend, Jill, that we really liked the name James and the next day I received an e-mail from her saying that they studied James 1 at her Bible Study that day and that it was so poignant given our situation. James talks about faith, prayer, and healing. One verse that Jill mentioned was "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:12). Another reason that we chose James is because his name was used in the Anointing of the Sick ceremony on Wednesday. As soon as I heard Father Dennis use his name, I knew that was what we were going to call him. As I did more research on James and the Anointing of the Sick, I found that James has a biblical reference for healing: "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." (James 5:14-15). This is amazing to me. We have total faith that God is going to keep our little James healthy and that he will live a long, full life. We are so thankful to God for sending us our new little boy!

The reason we chose Benedict is a little easier to explain: Tommy came home from work yesterday with the name. At first, I thought he may be kidding and that he was being silly, but once he told me what Benedict meant, I knew that should be James' middle name. Benedict means blessing. That is just what our James is: a BLESSING! He is a blessing from God and if it weren't for his big brother, we wouldn't be blessed enough to have him in our lives. Plus, we think that James Benedict Haberman flows pretty darn well...and it doesn't hurt that Benedict is the Pope's name! :)

Thank you for allowing us to share our baby boy's name with you all. As I said before, we put a lot of thought into choosing his name and we believe that we have come up with the perfect name. God bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!

Something Amazing...

Hi everyone! First off, we wanted to thank you all for keeping Cuatro in your prayers. We are so thankful that he is already on prayer lists around the world. Our goal is to get him on as many lists as possible. Thank you for all of the support via the blogs, e-mail, phone calls, and even Facebook!

We WILL have a name soon as I am so anxious to call him by his name. Tommy and I have discussed some names and I have my very favorite...I just have to make sure it is a good one with Tommy. All I know is that this baby needs a strong, powerful name as I know he has strength that matches his angel brother. I will let you all know as soon as we have decided on a name. Just know that there will be a lot of meaning in his name.

Today was an amazing day. I have joined the Moms and Tots group at our church. The group is a great mix of women of all ages and it has been so nice to be able to share my faith with them. I was able to take my mom (my parents came into town yesterday) and I am so glad that I could. Thank you to the ladies today for being so welcoming to my mother. Anyway, I had a chance to explain our newest situation with my friend, Kimberly, on Monday and I was so thankful that she let some of the ladies know about everything. Kimberly had also asked if I would like one of the priests to anoint me. I told her of course and Father Dennis came to the meeting today to do just that. He anointed me and then asked the ladies to place their hands on me. It was amazing to have these women (who were complete strangers two months ago) place their hands on me and Cuatro, praying for his healing! Can you imagine?!?! It was quite a warm feeling and I am so thankful to have had this experience as I have never been anointed before. Thank you to Kimberly for suggesting this sacrament and thank you to all of my new friends for participating today--it meant more than you know. I have faith that God is going to keep our baby boy safe and healthy--we just have to get over a little bump. I also spoke to a new friend, Mary Beth, who is a retired NICU nurse. We had met before and I knew of her background, so as soon as I saw her, I broke down. She reassured me that she saw omphaloceles often and that the babies are fine. It really helped to talk to her and to share the spiritual side of the medical "stuff". She told me I could call her any time and I warned her that she might hear from me too often! Isn't it wonderful that God put us in the perfect parish with the perfect people? I am so thankful that we have found yet another church with such great people!

Once again, we would like to thank you for your prayers. We are continually praying for Cuatro's healing and that he does not have either trisomy. As with each and every baby, he is a miracle and we are so glad that he is a part of our little family. God Bless you all!

Our New Little Boy...

GORGEOUS BABY BOY!!!!

Good evening everyone!

Well, to say that today has been eventful would be an understatement. I went to the high risk OB, Dr Schneider, today. Tommy was unable to make it, so I was there by myself. Well, I say "by myself", but I know there were so many prayers going out for our little Cuatro. So I guess that you could say that the room was FULL of people! I saw some absolutely BEAUTIFUL things today: a great brain, a gorgeous spine, kidneys, bladder, no more previa (woo!hoo!), and a MAGNIFICENT 4 CHAMBER HEART! I was so excited to see that so far, Baby's little heart is looking perfect. Of course, we will have MANY more level 2 ultrasounds and will have to keep an eye on it for any defects, but so far, so good! I did see something not so great today: Cuatro does indeed have an omphalocele. Part of his small intestine is growing out of his belly, but is contained in a thin membrane. No matter what, we are looking at a surgery to fix him up. After what we went through with Luke, this is a piece of cake as it can be fixed. BUT, there is a 25% chance that Cuatro has a chromosomal defect, either Trisomy 13 or 18. If you know anything about either one of these, neither is good. They are both fatal and cannot be treated. The baby will not make it. But, I know that we need to look at the better side of things: that he has a 75% chance of this being just an omphalocele. Of course, that is what we are praying for: a simple omphalocele. Luckily, everything in the level 2 looked perfect today and there were no signs of a chromosomal defect, but they can show up later in other ultrasounds. I spoke with my OB, Dr. Tinker, and he was encouraged that they did not see any facial, brain, foot, or heart abnormalities as those can go with a chromosomal defect. He made me feel so much better! He is truly an amazing doctor!

If you are a member of any church, church group, or prayer list, I would like to ask if you can add our baby boy to your list? This is very scary for me and Tommy and we are just going to immerse ourselves in prayer. All we want is to hold our baby boy on our chests and let him fall asleep on us. We were never able to do that with Luke as his chest was still healing and he couldn't be on his tummy. The more people who are praying for our little one, the better I know he will be. We really appreciate your help with this!!!! We are determined to figure out his name this week as I am so ready to start calling him by name (and so that he can have a name on prayer lists). We have a number of apostles and saints who are on the top of our list (go figure with names like Matthew, Luke, and Bernadette--Em's middle name for the others)!

Thank you, once again for checking up on us. We appreciate any and all prayers for Cuatro--he is already such a HUGE part of our family and we look forward to meeting him! God Bless!

Happy Birthday Big Boy Matthew!

Then:

Now:

Time really does fly by, doesn't it? I can't believe that four years ago, I was holding my first son. Matthew is truly one of a kind. He is funny, he is kind, he is fresh, he is sweet, he is smart, he has a million excuses...he is MATTHEW! He is unlike any other child, he is just himself and he is happy with that. Matthew's heart is so pure...purely Matthew. He adores Emily and looks up to her, he is still so in love with his Wittle Bubba, and he is very excited about Cuatro. Matthew has helped to get me through some of the toughest times since Luke's passing. At the funeral Mass, it was Matthew who made me smile. After Luke was gone, it was Matthew who always asked about him. Now that Emily is in school, it is Matthew who keeps me company. I love him so much and Tommy and I are so thankful that God gave us this gift. "Matthew" means "gift from God" and he, as well as all four of our babies, is just that: our gift from God. Thank you for helping us wish our big boy a very Happy Birthday!

Now for an update on Cuatro: we went to see Dr. Tinker today and were able to see the baby on ultrasound. We were checking to see if I still have placenta previa. I do still have it and it hasn't seemed to move, so we are most likely looking at a c-section. A c-section is fine by me, but I am a little worried as I have scoliosis in my epidural space, therefore, I don't get epidurals. So, if I can't get an epidural or spinal, I will need to be put under anesthesia and be "out" during surgery. I want to see my baby when he/she is born. I am still praying that the previa goes away so that we won't have to worry about this. The baby is growing well, but they did see a hernia at the belly. Dr. Tinker thinks that this is either an umbilical hernia or something called a omphalocele. Both pale in comparison to Luke's HLHS diagnosis, but it is still scary that the baby has a congenital defect. I will go to the high-risk OB on Monday (I asked if we could get an earlier appointment than the 15th as I would go crazy waiting), so we will be able to have a better view (hopefully) of everything. This is also when they will first check out the heart. To say that Tommy and I are nervous about this is an understatement. The hernia thing kind of threw us for a loop, so we are a little on edge tonight. But we know that God will take care of our baby and we just need to trust in Him.

NOW FOR THE NEWS PEOPLE ARE WAITING FOR...the tech told me that she never guarantees gender id (we will look again on Monday), but from what she saw (and it didn't take her long) it seems as though my feelings have been correct: it looks like we are having a baby BOY!!!! We are very excited, although we are happy with any gift that God gives us. I will let you know if that changes on Monday (although I don't think that will happen). PLEASE keep our sweet baby in your prayers. And please pray that our nerves will be settled, that we will be able to find out exactly what we are dealing with, and that there are no more defects present. Thank you in advance!

Once again, thank you for checking in on our little family. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people praying for us. Thank you for your compassion! God Bless!

Fears...

Fear is something that I wish I never felt. It is a scary feeling and no matter how faithful a person you are, fear can creep up on you. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety over the past few days and I know exactly why. We have a couple of ultrasounds coming up in the next few weeks and I think that anxiety is trying to get the best of me. Cuatro is already such a big part of our family and we are so prayerful that he/she is healthy. Emily and Matthew are already attached to the baby. They are constantly kissing my belly and saying how much they love the new baby. I find myself repeating the same prayer without even realizing it...asking God to keep this baby safe and healthy and that he/she has a healthy heart. Emily often lets us know when she prays for Cuatro. At Mass on Saturday, she was praying for Baby...when we pray at night, she always remembers Baby...she even prayed for a healthy heart the other day when she blew a dandelion. I wish that the two of them didn't have to worry about losing another sibling. I wish that they still had an innocence about death. I wish that they didn't lose their baby brother. But, I am positive that they are stronger and more faithful because of Luke. As I always say, he gave us some amazing gifts...the best one is due in March! I would like to ask for prayers for Cuatro and that this Friday's ultrasound goes well. We are just checking for placenta previa (praying that I don't have it anymore) and I am not sure that I want them to check on the heart right now as our level 2 is in two weeks. I will post on Friday...maybe we will have some news on the gender!!!! Plus, our big boy (and I mean BIG) will be FOUR YEARS OLD on Friday! Wow, how time flies!!!!

Another fear that I have is that others will forget Luke and his beautiful life. Once your child is gone, you fear that others will forget him/her. You fear that some will go on and never think about your precious angel. I have had that fear since April 18th--the fear that Luke's Legacy will be forgotten by others. That other people will forget the miracle that he was and the soul that he is. We appreciate your reading the blog as it helps us to realize that there are people who remember Luke and the gifts that he has given others. Without him, many people would still be unaware of congenital heart defects and the lack of funding for research. I know that our baby boy will help other children affected by CHDs.

This weekend, I took the kids to LeBonheur to help paint wine glasses for an event called "Dancing with the Docs". WOW! It was a lot of fun. Emily was very particular about her artwork while Matthew created more of a camouflage effect with his glasses. It was good for me to get to know some of the heart children and their families. I can't say that it was easy going there (I called Tommy on the way there in tears, thinking of the night Luke became an angel), but I am glad that I did. I hope that we were able to help the children who are affected by heart disease each day. I just wished that Luke could have been there with us. I have some pictures that I need to scan, so I will hopefully post them soon so you can see the gorgeous work done by Em and Matt.

On a last note, I have a very special prayer request for you all. As you know from our experience with Luke, HLHS is a nasty defect. Nothing about it is easy and it is a very scary thing to deal with day to day. There is a baby named Gracie Jean Lockyer who is battling for her life right now. I was introduced to her blog via Angel Annabelle Butcher's blog (see the blog list on the right to find her beautiful blog). Since then, we have been praying so hard for Gracie. She is a true miracle, having "coded" a number of times in her little life. But she still keeps fighting. Gracie was born 5 days before Luke, on March 7th (Cuatro's due date) and has been in the hospital ever since. Yes, that means she has spent almost 7 months in the hospital! Gracie is scheduled to have her Glenn (the second HLHS surgery) on Thursday, but the chance of survival is only 10%. PLEASE pray that this miracle child makes it through surgery--I know it is possible because she has already defied so many odds. Please visit her site at: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/graciejeanlockyer. There are a number of heart kids we keep up on and many are having their surgeries soon or are having other complications. Please offer a prayer for these amazing children--they are truly fighters!

Thank you, once again, for allowing me to share our life with you. We feel so blessed that Luke has been a part of all of your lives, even if you were never able to meet him. God bless you all and thank you for your kind prayers!

six months and five months...

Good evening everyone! First off, I need to explain why I failed to write an update on Luke's six month birthday. We had planned to "introduce" everyone to our angel via video. But, as luck would have it, our video camera and dvd were unable to "save" to our computer. So, I am sending the disk to my sister, Katie, to edit for us. Hopefully, you will be able to see and hear our precious boy very soon! I can guarantee that you will be amazed and in awe of our gorgeous son! As each month passes, I can't help but think about Luke and what he would be like. I know he is smiling down on us and is saying lots of prayers for us.

It has been five months since our Luke entered heaven. That night was awful. It is not something I like to remember. I try to remember the times when Luke seemed so full of life and seemed like he wasn't seriously ill. If you were blessed enough to meet Luke, you would know what I mean. Luke did not look sick, he did not act sick, he was just a beautiful baby boy. He was perfect and I am so sad that his heart was not perfect. But, I am at peace with the fact that Luke's heart is now perfect, just as he is. I still pray that no one forgets our angel or the joy and faith that he brought to so many lives.

As you all know, Tommy and I grew up in the Houston area. Hurricane Ike caused a great deal of damage on the East Texas coast and many people are still without power. My father has been in Magnolia since last week (mom is still in MN) and still has no power. Nana (Tommy's mom) stayed with Dad during and after the hurricane. Nana still doesn't have power, either. Luckily, they didn't have any damage to their homes, but a number of people in the area did have damage. We were lucky to have my friend, Amy and her three kiddos come to visit us on their way to Indiana. They decided to leave Magnolia when the lack of power got to be too much. The kids had so much fun playing with Rocco, Addie, and Baby Jack. Please pray for those affected by Hurricane Ike. I had written about Luke's CVICU friend, Patrick, a few weeks ago. Patrick had his surgery the day before Ike hit and was on the ventilator during the storm. How scary for his parents! But TCH is great and I am so happy to say that Patrick is doing wonderfully post-op. Thank you for your prayers for him and please keep them coming for all the heart babies facing surgery.

On Baby #4 front (we call him/her Cuatro--thank you to Amy), we are still on track. I went to see Dr. Tinker today and the baby's heart sounded great at 155 beats. Dr. Tinker was pleased and we are going to have an ultrasound in 2 weeks to check and see if my placenta previa is gone. We have a level 2 ultrasound scheduled for October 15th. We are excited to see our baby, but are nervous about any possible chds. I have been feeling some little movements and I LOVE it. I truly never thought I would feel this miracle again. We are so thankful and feel so blessed with this baby. We would appreciate any prayers for our little sweetie and for a healthy heart. God bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!

Finally...a chance to update!

Hi everyone!

I feel like it has been so long since I updated the blog! Everything is fine, we are just really getting into a routine in our new home. Emily started dance this week (loves it), Matthew started soccer today (loves it), Tommy is so busy with work, and I have been busy trying to make new friends and get to know the town (going to MOPS and starting Moms and Tots at church tomorrow).

Thank you for the prayers for our last ultrasound. Like I mentioned before, it is too early to see any major problems with the heart. We were just checking on some "me" stuff. Matthew and Tommy went with me and Matthew was excited to see his new little brother or sister. He told us that it is a boy and that we will name him Thomas the Tank Engine. I asked if she could see any "goods", but the baby is still too small. Anyway, the baby looked good and had a great heartbeat (did I tear up? Of course I did.). Then, I was told that I have placenta previa. In other words, my placenta is at the bottom of my uterus, covering my cervix. This would not be a good thing if I were further along, but Dr. Tinker believes that since I am so early (was only 12 weeks at the ultrasound--I am about 14 1/2 weeks now), that my uterus will grow and that my placenta will move up. Considering all that we have to worry about, this doesn't really have us too concerned. We will check again at the 20 week level 2 ultrasound. Anyway, here is a picture of our beautiful miracle. The head is on the bottom right and the feet are those two things at the top left. You can see his/her knees bent in the picture. You can also see a gorgeous backbone along the bottom. Enjoy!

Last week was a tough "Missing Luke" week. I miss him so much and sometimes those feelings are completely overwhelming. I want all four of my children to be with us, but we do not have one of them. It is so difficult to grasp sometimes and it is a feeling that no mother or father should feel. Luke would be 6 months old on Friday--I can't believe that he would be that old. He would most likely be done with his second surgery (the Glenn) and just holding tight until the next. Crazy and unbearable at times. I just ask that you please pray for all of the families who are grieving the loss of a child. It is something that no one should ever have to deal with. But I also pray that these families have faith that their child is safe in heaven and is happy with God. Emily and Matthew's favorite thing to do after church is to light a candle for their Wittle Bubba. It is so sweet and heartwarming to watch them as they pray to God for their little brother. I thank God for our faith!

Once again, I ask that you pray for sick children. Patrick Lall's surgery has been moved (once again) to tomorrow. PLEASE pray that his surgery goes well and that his parents can take him home soon. There are so many heart babies who need prayers right now. These children are amazing and are so much stronger than I could ever hope to be. Our friend, Hans (who has neuroblastoma), is still fighting like a champ. Please pray that Hans keeps up his fight and beats this horrible disease. God bless you all and have a wonderful rest of your week!