Happy Angel Day, Sweet Boy!

Luke's baptism picture reminds me that Luke is in heaven with Jesus and all of his angel friends. He is in paradise. He no longer hurts. He won't have to face more surgeries. He won't grow up fearing that his heart may fail at any time. He is whole and he is healthy. He is our angel and he is our saint. He is another one of our miracles and we are so much better for having him in our lives!

When we lost Luke, a number of wonderful people sent notes of encouragement, love, and hope. We were (and are) so thankful for all of the sentiments shared with us. I would like to share one of these notes with you all. My sister, Katie, is married to Tom. Tom's parents lost a son, Patrick, shortly after birth. Mrs. Tierney sent me a note that someone had sent her after the loss of Patrick. It was truly touching and it helped me to know that I was not alone in missing my son. Here is the letter, a letter to Luke from his mother:

To Luke...
My darling Luke, now in joy before the throne of God, you are now so close to Him, and in your spotless innocence, which He loves, you can speak to Him with a voice that He will surely heed. You are still my little baby and because of the great happiness you now enjoy, hear now the prayers of your mother. I entrust my petitions to you and beseech you to intercede for me, your mother, and obtain for me the favors and graces I so earnestly desire. If what I ask, in all humility, is not for the glory of God and good of souls, then beg of God whatever would be most conducive to both, for my only desire is to follow His will in all things.
My dear little one, God in His love and infinite mercy, has called you back to live in eternal joy and to share the life of the Holy Innocents there. It was a cross hard for me to bear when you were taken from my arms for the last time; parting with you caused me grief that few can know. But I rejoice in the glory that is now yours, because as your mother, I played a small part in bringing it to you. I realize that you are mine now in a truer sense thank you could ever have been upon earth.
Help me, Luke, by your intercession and pray that I may be faithful to all my duties, and that I may, with God's grace, fulfill His holy will so that one day I may find you waiting for me on the threshold of heaven and be able to once again hold you in my arms. Until then, I entrust you to the love and care of Mary our beloved mother, who has given to your mother, the privilege of sharing with her the joys and sorrows of this life. May she be so much more the mother that I so longed to be to you.
Love, guard and guide me dear Luke, and all those whom you and I hold dear, that we may all kneel together at the throne of God for all eternity. Amen.

I find the following part of the note so profound: "But I rejoice in the glory that is now yours, because as your mother, I played a small part in bringing it to you. I realize that you are mine now in a truer sense than you could ever have been upon earth." WOW! Did I really play a part in bringing God's glory to my son? That makes me feel pretty important! And to think that Luke is mine in a truer sense now that he is with God--boy is that true. My mom always reminds all of us that Luke is always with us, sitting on our shoulder. Special thanks to Mrs. Tierney for sending me this note--it meant so much to me.

I'm not sure what exactly we will do tomorrow. The one thing I do know is that we will be at Mass tomorrow evening. Tears will be shed and we will do as we do each week: we will light a candle for our sweet angel and ask God and Mary to hold him in their arms until we can meet again.

It has been such a tough year, filled with the sorrow of a life lost as well as the joy of a new life. It has been filled with spiritual growth as well as growth in our relationships with each other. I ask that you all please remember our angel in prayer today. Please let him know that he is not forgotten and that he will always be remembered. As you all well know, this has been my biggest fear: that Luke will be forgotten. If only more of you were able to meet him, you would have been in the presence of an angel here on earth. God sent us an angel and we are so thankful to Him for that gift.

I just wanted to post the poem, "Little Angels", which was on the back of Luke's funeral Mass card:

When God calls little children
to dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question
the wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
the death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
seem wonderful and mild
Perhaps God tires of calling the aged to His fold,
So He picks a rosebud before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
and so He takes but few
To make the land of Heaven
more beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult,
still somehow we must try.
The saddest word mankind knows
will always be "Goodbye"
So when a little child departs,
we who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,

Angels are hard to find.

I love that poem and it is so very true. Do I wish that Luke was not one of those rosebuds? Of course, but like I said, I am happy that he is no longer hurting. I am happy that he is with God, safe in His loving arms. I can't imagine how beautiful heaven is with all of those rosebuds--can you imagine that perfect picture?!?! I pray that I will be able to see it one day.

Thank you for all of your support throughout this year. I pray that Luke's life will continue to inspire others and that you all continue to remember him and our family in your prayers. You are all amazing! God bless!

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter to all of our friends and family! We hope that this day finds you all well and happy. We have had a busy day with Aunt Rita, Uncle Mike, and cousins Clare and Greg. We were so glad that they could come visit from North Carolina and we have had a wonderful weekend. They leave tomorrow and I am not sure what the kids are going to do! It was so much fun dressing the kiddos up for Mass. Emily was a beautiful picture in her white dress, Matthew looked like a little man, and James was so sweet in his little Feltman Brothers outfit. Here is a picture of them after Mass:

Of course, there were some difficult moments this weekend. Last year, Easter fell right after Luke's surgery. He was taken off of the vent on Holy Saturday and we were able to see him awake on Easter. What a wonderful gift that was! I remember bringing an Easter basket to the CVICU and hoping that Luke would be able to play with his toys one day. Unfortunately, Luke was not able to play with them here on earth, but I know he has much better toys up in heaven! I wanted to post the message that Tommy wrote last year on Easter...it gave me a lot of great memories of our angel:

Well, it was another GREAT Easter. Bernie and I went to the hospital this morning to visit Luke. We delivered the basket left by the Easter Bunny. He wasn't too interested in any of the toys yet, but I'm sure he will be soon.
Luke continues to make wonderful progress. We talked to one of the cardiologists on-call, and he said Luke is doing great!! We heard him cry today, which was a nice sound to hear. You can tell he's a fighter. As you can see in some of the pictures, they have taken out his breathing tube, so we can really see his beautiful face now. He should also have most, if not, all of his lines taken out tomorrow. That is a huge step for several reasons, but one of the biggest is that we can hold him again. What a feeling that will be!!
We also had an excellent dinner at Gramma and Grampa's house, with Nana, Uncle Rob and Aunt Maggie and their family and Aunt Katie and her children (Uncle Tom had to go back to Minnesota today).
Happy Easter to all of you...what a blessed day!

Thank you for letting me share that. It was such a wonderful day for us and we are so thankful that God allowed us to have that beautiful boy with us, even for a short time. As I said, I had a number of emotions this weekend, mostly wanting all four of our babies with us here on earth. It is still extremely difficult for me to face the fact that I won't ever hold Luke on earth ever again. Luke was buried in his Easter outfit, the one I had bought before he was born, expecting to take a sweet two-week old to Mass with us. He is wearing it in the family picture on this page.

I fear the things that I am "forgetting" about Luke: the way his skin felt, his smell, the sound of his cry. As his Angel Day approaches, I fear the reaction I will have. Will I cry all day? Will I spend all day anticipating the time we gave him to God? I think that the anticipation is a lot more difficult than the actual day. Once again., I have a favor to ask: please take a minute or two on Saturday, April 18th to remember our boy. If you could, please say a prayer for him and for all of his angel friends. Please say a prayer for all of the babies and children who are still fighting CHDs, including Lindsay, Teagan, Owen, Carlie, Patrick, Khloe, Steven Joseph and our niece Megan. CHDs affect way too many children and we need to find a cure!

I pray that you all are doing well on this wonderful day. Thank you to Jesus for dying so that we many live. We are so thankful that our baby boy an live in paradise with Jesus and all the angels and saints. God bless you all!