Do not
complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.
-Mark
Twain
Sixteen
years have gone by since we first saw his beautiful face and heard his tiny
cry.
So many
things have happened since Luke was born. And there are so many things that he
has missed since we lost him.
The
Haberkids have reached some important milestones this year. Emily turned 21,
and enjoys being legal. Matthew started school at the University of Georgia and
is thriving. James started high school and is now almost as tall as Matthew.
But
Luke.
Luke is
forever 5 and a half weeks old. He will never reach these milestones.
I think
about all of the experiences that Em, Matt, and James have had thus far in
their lives, and all of the things that Luke will never have the
opportunity to experience,
Luke
never laughed. He never learned how to walk or how to talk. Luke didn't learn
how to swim or ride a bike. He will never graduate high school. He will never
go to college.
And
this year. His sixteenth year.
I won't
take pictures of Luke sitting in a car. I won't feel my eyes well up with tears
as I watch my baby boy drive away toward a new independence.
These
are all things we take for granted. Natural milestones in our lives.
But
there are other things that happen as we get older. Things that aren't
milestones as much as they are life experiences.
Luke
will never feel the sand between his toes, nor the feeling of waves in the
ocean. He won't feel the nerves that come with final exams, or the fear that
comes with forgetting to do homework.
Luke
won't know the butterflies that come with falling in love. And he won't
experience the pain of heartbreak.
Luke
won't have the opportunity to get on one knee and ask for forever.
He
won't ever be a father.
He
won't give us grandchildren.
No,
none of these things will happen for Luke.
And we
won't be able to experience life with him. We will always be missing an
important piece of the Haberman puzzle.
As much
as our hearts break for what Luke is missing, we find peace in what he has in
heaven. He is surrounded by loved ones. He is in the arms of Jesus and
Mary.
Luke is
whole. He is not hurting. He is happy. I believe this with all of my heart.
And
that is what I need to remember in the midst of my grief: that no matter what
sadness I have for what Luke has missed, he is fortunate in that he has
only ever known love.
Grieving the loss of a
child is a process, it begins on the day your child passes and ends the day the
parent joins them.
-BJ Karrer
