...is the only job I ever wanted.
...is what I call the strongest woman I know.
...is the sweetest word my children say.
...is a privilege I wish Daddy could have. :)
...is something I became when Emily was in my womb.
...is a badge I wear with pride.
...is everything I ever prayed to be.
...is the opportunity to teach.
...is the best benefit of being a woman.
...is the scariest, yet most amazing thing I will ever be.
...is security for little ones.
...is a blessing that I was given.
...is the gift given by God to carry a new life.
...is the one thing, the one thing I long to hear him say.
* In Honor of Emily, Matthew, and James and in memory of Luke Thomas*
MOMMY loves you all!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Seriously, Bernie.
I cannot understand why I have been so bad about blogging lately. I mean, how hard is it to let everyone know about our lives? How difficult is it to share our triumphs and our sorrows? The truth is, I was never really good at blogging. I will let you in on a little secret: I have another blog. I started it when Emily was 3 and Matthew was 1. You know, the days when the only health issues Tommy and I had to worry about were ear infections or tummy bugs. Looking back on the old blog, I have to laugh. It seems as if we were always at the doctor's office for something. But thankfully, those trips to Dr. Irani were for the "little" things. How I long for the "little" things. For some odd reason, the blog just stopped. I just stopped writing. Maybe it was the dawn of Facebook or the fact that I started working again that fall. I'm not sure why I stopped, but I did. I don't ever want to stop this blog. It represents so much to me: a legacy that no one, and I mean no one, can take away from our family. There are some great pics of Em and Matt when they were wee little ones, so please check the other blog out at: http://www.houseofhaberman.blogspot.com/. Let me know what you think! :)
As for our family, we are doing great! We had an amazing Christmas with Nana. Matthew had a wonderful Christmas program at preschool and Emily was a lamb in the Christmas pageant at church. Emily and Matthew finally got their Wii and James got a bunch of fun toys. I think his favorite one was the Busy Ball Popper from Playskool. James had a clean ultrasound last month and his AFP numbers (from the blood test that checks for liver tumors) were low (which is a good thing). Please continue to pray for James and that he does not develop any tumors. We were so thankful to be able to enjoy Jesus' birthday with our family. We can't imagine the celebration that Luke had with Jesus that day.
Now on to the heavy stuff...I'm not going to lie. It's been difficult lately. I'm not sure why. It may be because holidays are always more tough without Luke. It may be that his second birthday is in a few months. It may be that his legacy is about to be one year old. I'm not sure why. What I do know is that I miss him like crazy. I miss him so much. I still can't believe he is gone. I recently had one of those moments: the kind where I can't believe any of this has happened. Did we really lose a baby? It's just not possible.
It is at difficult times when God steps in and shows me the way. I may not know it at the time, but He does. This evening at Mass, I had to take James into the narthex. *side note: the kid loves to hear his echo, which is not such a good thing during the gospel reading* So the naughty (but extremely cute) boy and I walked around the narthex for a little bit. While checking out the information table, I saw a pamphlet on St. Therese. I know a lot of friends who know a lot about St. Therese, but I didn't know anything about her...until tonight. WOW! She has quite a story, filled with death and heartache. Therese was the youngest of 9, but only five of them lived to adulthood. Her mother died when she was four years old. Instead of dwelling in her sorrows, Therese decided to look for God in everything. Therese spoke of her "little way", looking to God as a child. She taught others to look for God in everything: in flowers, in kind gestures, in a smile. As I said, Therese did not dwell in her hardships or her sadness. Instead, she sought out God during these times and learned to trust Him. Trust. Trust Him. I could learn a lot from this young girl's life (Therese passed away from Tuberculosis when she was 24 years old).
I needed this tonight. I needed to remember that I must trust God as a child trusts his/her mother or father. Do I like the fact that we lost Luke? No. But I know that there is a grand plan and that God knew me before He formed me. I need to remember that even when I hurt, I can use my own "little ways" to make the day brighter for another person. Therese suffered silently, but showed kindness to others. I need to be more like her. I need to be more childlike in my faith. I pray that God will help show me the way.
On a super great awesome exciting note...we are coming to HOUSTON! We are going to spend spring break in H-Town. We are so excited to see our friends and family. I was talking to my amazing friend, Nicole (you may remember her as the brave neighbor who changed out our toilet seats before we put the house on the market) the other day. She has her own little miracle baby, Billy, who I cannot wait to meet. Anyway, Nicole and I were talking and she asked when we were planning to return to Houston. After a quick discussion, she and I devised a plan in which we would come during spring break. The most amazing part about it, you ask? We will be there to celebrate Luke's birthday with him. That's right, we don't have to wish we were at his site as we will be there. The even more amazing part, you ask? We are going to have a birthday party for him, right there at his site. We will have cake and goodies, along with 38 balloons to release...one for each day that he lived. If you live in or around Houston, please consider coming to Luke's birthday party. We would love to have those who can make it come to celebrate our angel's 2nd birthday. More information to come...
Thanks for listening to me ramble on tonight. There is just so much to share. Please scroll down as there are a few pictures from Christmas. Also, in case anyone wants to know, Luke's Tree had over $7000 in donations from all over the United States!!!! That is amazing and we are so thankful it was such a success. We are working on becoming non-profit, so if any of you have done this and can offer some advice, we would love it! God bless and take care of yourselves!
As for our family, we are doing great! We had an amazing Christmas with Nana. Matthew had a wonderful Christmas program at preschool and Emily was a lamb in the Christmas pageant at church. Emily and Matthew finally got their Wii and James got a bunch of fun toys. I think his favorite one was the Busy Ball Popper from Playskool. James had a clean ultrasound last month and his AFP numbers (from the blood test that checks for liver tumors) were low (which is a good thing). Please continue to pray for James and that he does not develop any tumors. We were so thankful to be able to enjoy Jesus' birthday with our family. We can't imagine the celebration that Luke had with Jesus that day.
Now on to the heavy stuff...I'm not going to lie. It's been difficult lately. I'm not sure why. It may be because holidays are always more tough without Luke. It may be that his second birthday is in a few months. It may be that his legacy is about to be one year old. I'm not sure why. What I do know is that I miss him like crazy. I miss him so much. I still can't believe he is gone. I recently had one of those moments: the kind where I can't believe any of this has happened. Did we really lose a baby? It's just not possible.
It is at difficult times when God steps in and shows me the way. I may not know it at the time, but He does. This evening at Mass, I had to take James into the narthex. *side note: the kid loves to hear his echo, which is not such a good thing during the gospel reading* So the naughty (but extremely cute) boy and I walked around the narthex for a little bit. While checking out the information table, I saw a pamphlet on St. Therese. I know a lot of friends who know a lot about St. Therese, but I didn't know anything about her...until tonight. WOW! She has quite a story, filled with death and heartache. Therese was the youngest of 9, but only five of them lived to adulthood. Her mother died when she was four years old. Instead of dwelling in her sorrows, Therese decided to look for God in everything. Therese spoke of her "little way", looking to God as a child. She taught others to look for God in everything: in flowers, in kind gestures, in a smile. As I said, Therese did not dwell in her hardships or her sadness. Instead, she sought out God during these times and learned to trust Him. Trust. Trust Him. I could learn a lot from this young girl's life (Therese passed away from Tuberculosis when she was 24 years old).
I needed this tonight. I needed to remember that I must trust God as a child trusts his/her mother or father. Do I like the fact that we lost Luke? No. But I know that there is a grand plan and that God knew me before He formed me. I need to remember that even when I hurt, I can use my own "little ways" to make the day brighter for another person. Therese suffered silently, but showed kindness to others. I need to be more like her. I need to be more childlike in my faith. I pray that God will help show me the way.
On a super great awesome exciting note...we are coming to HOUSTON! We are going to spend spring break in H-Town. We are so excited to see our friends and family. I was talking to my amazing friend, Nicole (you may remember her as the brave neighbor who changed out our toilet seats before we put the house on the market) the other day. She has her own little miracle baby, Billy, who I cannot wait to meet. Anyway, Nicole and I were talking and she asked when we were planning to return to Houston. After a quick discussion, she and I devised a plan in which we would come during spring break. The most amazing part about it, you ask? We will be there to celebrate Luke's birthday with him. That's right, we don't have to wish we were at his site as we will be there. The even more amazing part, you ask? We are going to have a birthday party for him, right there at his site. We will have cake and goodies, along with 38 balloons to release...one for each day that he lived. If you live in or around Houston, please consider coming to Luke's birthday party. We would love to have those who can make it come to celebrate our angel's 2nd birthday. More information to come...
Thanks for listening to me ramble on tonight. There is just so much to share. Please scroll down as there are a few pictures from Christmas. Also, in case anyone wants to know, Luke's Tree had over $7000 in donations from all over the United States!!!! That is amazing and we are so thankful it was such a success. We are working on becoming non-profit, so if any of you have done this and can offer some advice, we would love it! God bless and take care of yourselves!
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