Angel Day

I know that tomorrow is Luke's Angel Day, but I wanted to go ahead and post the blog since I wrote it today. The 18th is always a tough day of the month for me. Thanks for keeping an eye on us!

Four months since I held him...Four months since I fed him...Four months since I smelled him...Four months since we said "goodbye". I can't believe that four months have passed. I can't believe that Luke is no longer with us. I can't believe that I lost my baby boy. It still doesn't seem real. It still seems so foreign to me. It still seems like he should be here with us. I am sitting here crying right now. I am crying for Luke, I am crying for Emily and Matthew, I am crying for me and Tommy. I am just crying.

I still can't handle the sight of a baby carrier, even though Luke would probably have grown out of it by now. It is just that Luke was in a baby carrier when he was in the ambulance. The last memory I have of Luke alive was when he was in that carrier. Each time I see one, I either walk the other way, or face my fear and take a deep breath. I am sure it probably sounds silly, but it is just one of those "things" that I have to get over. I'm not sure if I will ever get over all of this, I guess the pain just lessens with time.

While Luke was alive, there were so many prayers offered up to God for him. At first, I wondered why the prayers for Luke weren't answered, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed that the prayers were indeed answered. The prayers were for Luke to get better and to have a healthy heart. The problem is that Luke was never going to have a healthy heart here on earth, at least not his own healthy heart. Luke's heart was not whole and in turn, did not (nor would it ever) work correctly. The only hope for a healthy heart would be a heart transplant. So, when all of our friends and family so thoughtfully sent prayers to heaven, God listened and gave Luke his whole heart. After all, isn't heaven the place where we all would like to live one day? How lucky that Luke was hand picked by God to be with Him? Luke is not hurting and Luke is in paradise. I can only be so blessed to join him there one day. So, thank you for your prayers for our sweet angel--they were heard and they were answered!

A great thing happened to me this past Friday (on the Feast of the Assumption, no less). When we registered at our new parish, they ask if there is anyone in the house who would like to speak to a priest. Of course, I wrote that I would like to speak to the priest about Luke's passing. I didn't think much of it and figured that I would get a call in a few weeks. On Friday, Father Parham from church called to set up an appointment. When he asked about Luke, I broke down. I am not talking about crying a little bit...I mean I wept. I had so many tears streaming down my face that I was making the phone (and probably the carpet) soaking wet. It had been a little while since I broke down like that. I guess that speaking to Father Parham just brought me such a spiritual feeling that I couldn't hold anything in. I felt badly for crying, but he was very patient with me and we made a tentative appointment for the beginning of September as he will be on vacation until then. I am glad that we have joined a parish that is so open and friendly, just as St. Anthony was in The Woodlands.

In case you all are wondering, Emily had a wonderful day at school on Wednesday. She is such a big girl and we are so proud of her. Matthew begins school next Monday and he is ready. He keeps telling us all that he is going to school "tomorrow". It is the same thing each day. The will both have a great time making new friends!

In closing, please continue to pray for all of the sick children. Did you know that Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 birth defect in the US? It is a crazy and scary statistic. I am hoping to begin some work with the hospital here in Memphis for It's My Heart in the next week or two, once things get settled down. My college buddy, Matt, gave me the names of some of the cardiology people there, so it is a GREAT start for me. Thanks so much, Matt! Please pray for Abby's mom, Heather, who had an emergency surgery on Saturday. She is doing fine, but she could use some extra prayers. Abby is doing well and just getting over a urinary tract infection. There are a number of other heart babies who I check on regularly. Some are doing well and others are struggling. Please take a second to say a quick prayer for them. Thanks for checking up on our little family. God bless you all and have a wonderful day!

* On a side note, my mom was asking how to make a comment on this new blog. This is for you mom: at the end of each entry, there is a place that says "__ comments". Just click on the word "comments" and it will take you to a new window. Fill out the form on the right. You may have to create a google account, but that is no big deal. Hope this helps, mom!