Remembering on Luke's 2nd Birthday

WOW! I can't believe that it has been two years since we met Luke face-to-face. Two years since we first held him. Two years since that awful diagnosis. It all happened so quickly that day. It is all such a blur, but I wanted to share what I do remember about that day. Some of it is awesome, some of it is heartbreaking, but all of it is beautiful...just like Luke.

* I remember having contractions throughout the night. I wondered if they would need to induce me or if I would go into labor on my own.

* I remember my parents coming to watch Emily and Matthew, take them to school, and then to Build-A-Bear to create a special buddy for their baby brother.

* I remember making sure that I had pictures of them kissing my belly. Funny thing is that Luke is the only one who we did that for.

* I remember Tommy stopping to get a drink and breakfast at Chick Fil-A. I was so jealous because I couldn't eat or drink anything before the induction.

* I remember waiting in front of the maternity ward for it to open. Tommy and I took pictures of each other waiting--the last moments of innocence between husband and wife.

* It's funny, because I can't remember much more of the "Pre-Luke" stage. I remember the fact that I laughed through my contractions (I don't get epidurals--long story concerning my scoliosis). It actually surprised the nurses the way I behaved. You see, I laugh and talk when I am nervous--it's my coping mechanism. When it was time for him to be born, the laughing ceased and the screaming commenced.

* Once Luke was born, I remember hearing him, looking at him, and taking a deep breath that he was here. Then I noticed his sweet nose--really, it was the first thing I noticed.

* I remember everyone coming to visit. I remember Emily, Matthew, Gramma, Grampa, and Nana coming to hold our Wittle Bubba.

* I remember eating and I remember the nurse: "I hear a heart murmur. They are very common. I am bringing him to the NICU to get checked out and will bring him back." I remember everyone saying that I shouldn't worry and that he would be fine.

* I remember everyone leaving to get a bite to eat in the cafeteria. I remember trying to fall asleep, but I couldn't because I knew. I knew in my gut that he wouldn't be alright.

* I remember Tommy coming back into the room and our baby still wasn't there. We waited and waited. Finally, a nurse practitioner entered, but not with Luke. He told us, simply and without any compassion, that our baby had a structural defect in his heart and that he would need to be transferred to the med center that night. He said that the cardiologists at the med center were looking at Luke's echo and that they would let them know the diagnosis. I remember asking this man if Luke would make it. Surely he would make it. He looked at me and Tommy and said, "I can't tell you that."

* I remember the neonatologist coming into our room and explaining Luke's defect: Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. I remember that I knew that defect, but how did I know of it? She was much more gentle with us. She explained that Luke would need three surgeries and that it would be possible for him to survive. Our pediatrician, Dr. Irani had come into the room with her and it was so comforting to have her hug me and tell me that it would all be ok. It really meant a lot to me.

* I remember crying. I remember weeping. I remember wondering how this could have happened and how unreal it was.

* I remember walking with Tommy and a nurse to the NICU to see our boy before they placed him in a helicopter. I remember thinking that we shouldn't be in that room. I remember seeing my baby hooked up to monitors with an iv that pumped meds into his body so that his heart wouldn't shut down before surgery. I remember holding him one more time before they took him downtown.

* When we got back to the room, I remember my OB coming in to talk to us, hug us. I told her that I needed to be with Luke and that I wouldn't stay. She graciously allowed me to leave so that Tommy and I could be with him. As we left, the nurses hugged us and told us that we were in their prayers.

* My dad picked us up (neither of us were in any shape to drive) and brought us home to my parents' house to get clothes before we headed to the med center. When we walked in the door, my mother was there to hug me, really to catch me. I couldn't stand. I could barely breathe.

* My dad, Tommy, and I drove downtown to be with our Luke. I remember when we arrived, we spoke to a cardiologist who explained HLHS in more detail. He gave us a realistic view of the defect and what to expect. When we were finally able to see Luke, he was vented and asleep. How could our baby be so sick?

* Through all of this, I remember Tommy being so strong. He was so strong that day. He had to be. I couldn't handle it. I am so thankful that he is my husband--I couldn't do any of this without him. I remember praying with him.

WOW! This is pretty long. I guess I do remember a lot about Luke's birthday. I remember the good and the bad. I guess that is how you move forward, by remembering. I choose to remember Luke for the soul that he still is: a strong, peaceful, breathtaking soul. I pray that his life and his story will help you remember to remember! Enjoy the above pictures of Luke taken on the day he was born...God bless you all!

PS...Please remember to come out to Luke's Birthday Celebration at Earthman Cemetery tomorrow (Saturday). We will be there at 11 am to celebrate our baby boy. Details a few posts below.