7 months

It has been seven months since our angel entered heaven. This is always such an emotional roller coaster of a day, but rather than focus on losing Luke, I would like to share the story of Luke's arrival into our world. When you have a child born with a serious issue, everyone is focused on getting him better, not so much on how he entered the world (which is totally fine by us, as we only asked for prayers for Luke's little life). When Em and Matt were born, the first thing that was asked was "how was labor?". With Luke, our only concern was that we could get the necessary care for him to live. So, here it goes:

On March 11th, Tommy and I went to see Dr. Westmoreland. I was about 39 weeks and, like my other two, Luke was totally content in my belly. We decided to induce the following morning. Then, she "got things going" (I don't want to get into too much detail) and I began having contractions every few hours. This was not labor, though, just a few contractions here and there. The contractions intensified during the night, but nothing to constitute actual labor. We woke up at about 5:00 am on March 12th to begin calling the hospital for induction. Much to our excitement and surprise (Matthew's induction was pushed back for FOUR days), the hospital had a room for us and told us to be there by 7 am...we were there by 6:30, just in case. Once we got in the room, we waited for Dr. Westmoreland to come in and break my water. That happened around 9:30 or so. At about 11:00, they decided to start me on some pitocin to get the contractions coming. They were there, but not great. Well, we have figured out (after two inductions) that with Bernie, you need to break the water and give pitocin. In my case, water broken + pitocin = fast baby! That is just what happened. By about 12 pm, I was ready to push and we welcomed our baby boy a few minutes later (two pushes, I think). Everything went relatively fast and easily. We didn't have a lot of screaming (just a little--no epidural for me b/c of my scoliosis) and we welcomed a gorgeous, fat-faced little boy into our lives. He was pink and loud. I remember looking at him as they checked him out shortly after birth, thinking "wow! His nose is just like Matthew's". I held him, nursed him (wondering why the nurse kept having to nudge him awake), and questioned the nurse about the grayish tint to his hands. She reassured me that many babies have that and it was his body getting used to pumping blood by itself. I never noticed it with the other two and I think my mother's intuition was working overtime (as it did throughout the entire pregnancy). About two hours later, they took my baby boy from me. They didn't bring him back. They told me of his diagnosis, and they put him in a helicopter. I have a great fear of helicopters and I can't believe that I had to let my little boy go on a helicopter all by himself. How scared and confused he must have been.

The Family (minus our precious James :) ) shortly after Luke's birth, but before his diagnosis.

Thank you for letting me share our birth story. It was beautiful and it was perfect, just like our Luke. As I sit here remembering that day and sobbing, I can't help but think about where we will be in about 3 months. I am so fearful of letting them take another one of my boys from me after birth. I ask that you please continue to pray for James and that he continues to grow, that he does not have a chromosomal issue, and that his omphalocele heals. Please pray for me and Tommy and that we can give our fears to God--we need to concentrate on our family and children. God bless you all and thank you for everything!!!!