A Special Day for a Special Boy

I have been needing to update Luke's blog for a while now, but things have been so crazy with James going back for his hernia surgery and getting back on schedule. Above is a video of the kids singing "Happy Birthday" to Wittle Bubba. Just ignore the Mommy in the background with the bad singing voice! They really enjoyed making cupcakes for him (and they loved eating them, too!).

We were so touched by the outpouring of prayers and love on our angel's birthday. I had no idea how many people would help us celebrate Luke's special day. We are thankful that family and friends were able to visit Luke at his site--you all have no idea how much it meant to us! We want to thank Uncle Mike, Nicole, Lillie, Kim and Emery, Jacque, Trip, Jax, and Alyn for visiting Luke's site for his birthday. They sent some pictures and I wanted to share them with you all.











As you an see, Luke's site was quite festive and I know that he was smiling up in heaven. Thank you, guys! I wanted to share something that our good friend, Jacque, sent us after visiting Luke's site:
"I took the kids with me this morning for Luke's birthday. His plot was easy to see because he had already had some visitors that had left some fun balloons for him with big "Happy Birthday" written all over them. I have to tell you this was the 3rd time I have visited the site and this was the first time I really broke down (you know I'm not a big crier). You have shared so much of Luke with us that we have taken somewhat of an ownership over him. I was watching Alyn while we were there and was really sad that she never got to meet her little buddy Luke. Thank you thank you thank you for letting Rich and I into the room after his surgery, he was so beautiful even with all of those wires. It has been such beautiful weather here all week and today it rained, it was as if God was shedding His tears on all of us. When I got back in the car a song by MercyMe called 'Bring the Rain' was on."
Here is a part of the song that Jacque pointed out...it means a lot and I hope that I am living up to this verse:
"To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times."

My friend, Lillie, who I worked with for two years at Little Saints (boy, do we have some stories to share...) also wrote me a note that really made an impact on me. It was about a gift that a friend brought to her family when her grandmother passed away. Read on...
"A friend of the family gave each of my grandmother's kids a lily plant at her funeral. When I asked why (because I always thought you sent flowers) this is what she said. She gives the lily plants because the plant itself means "peace". Since my grandmother had passed, she was now at peace with God up in heaven and her family should feel peace knowing that she is taken care of and is no longer in any pain. The flower that the plant produces what almost looks an open circle. She said that when we see the flower that it is my grandmother giving us a hug and telling us that she is still watching over us. To this day, every member of my family has a lily plant in their house. This is why I gave one to Luke. That way he know that all of you are giving him a hug on his special day even if you can not be there with him."

My friend and fellow heart angel mom, Rebecca, and her family also celebrated Luke's birthday with cupcakes. I love how her son, Wyatt, doesn't eat the icing. Too cute! Thank you for sharing our angel's day, Rebecca. I just know our little ones had the best day with Jesus and all the other angels.





I also wanted to share some pictures of our balloon release...





It was amazing to watch the balloons float up to heaven for Luke and his friends to enjoy. The kids truly believe that the balloons floated up to Luke and that he got to play with them. I like to believe that happened, too.

Once again, thank you for your prayers on Luke's birthday. It was a difficult day, but we rejoiced in the fact that Luke is with God and that he is no longer hurting. We are now waiting, once again, for Luke's Angel Day to arrive. I am not sure how we will handle that day, but I am sure that we will be happy when we think of our angel's sweet life. God bless you all!

Happy 1st Birthday, Wittle Bubba!

My dear friend and fellow heart angel mom, Rebecca, created a montage for her angel Annabelle. I thought it was beautiful and decided to create one for Luke. How can a life only last 5 1/2 weeks? But, oh what a life it was! God bless you all and Happy Birthday to our angel!

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Waiting...

This time last year, we were waiting. Now I find myself waiting once again. The difference is that last year we were waiting to welcome a healthy baby boy. This year, we are waiting to celebrate his birthday without him here. How do you celebrate an angel's birthday? What will he think when he hears us sing "Happy Birthday"? Will he realize how much we miss him? Will he realize how much we wish he was here with us? Will he realize that we have not forgotten about him? I don't ever want Luke to think that we have forgotten about him or that we have abandoned him. I would give anything to have all four of our children with us.

Luke's first birthday is this Thursday, March 12th. I can't believe all that we have faced this year. We have had unimaginable triumphs and unthinkable tragedy. We have buried one son and welcomed yet another. We have spent weeks in the NICU with two boys, praying incessantly over their cribs. We have left friends in Texas and made new ones in Tennessee. We have relied on God more than ever before. And in the end, through our faith, we have persevered. As James' letter in the Bible says, "for you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. And let perseverance be perfect, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:3-4. If you remember, this is one of the reasons that we gave James his name. I read this passage at night while James was in the hospital and it helped renew my faith each time. I feel like the character in the poem, "Footprints" (the one where God carries the man during the trials in his life). God has held me closely during this year and I think I am finally at the point where I can walk by myself. Besides, God must have gotten pretty tired carrying me all that way!!!! I thank God for giving me the strength I have needed to get through this year.

So, as we prepare for Luke's birthday, I am reminded of our other heart angel friends who have recently celebrated their first birthdays. Eden and Annabelle just had birthdays within the last month. Their mothers wrote beautiful tributes to them and I am so glad to have them as Heart Mom friends. The kids are going to help bake and decorate a cake and we will release balloons for Luke and his friends to play with. If Luke touched your life in any way, please take a second to say or sing "Happy Birthday" to our angel on Thursday...I know he would love it! I think the hardest part about Luke's birthday is that we won't be able to visit him at the cemetery. Luckily, my brother-in-law, Mike, will be in Houston and he is going to visit Luke. I know that will make Luke smile as I am sure that he and Mike would have been good buddies (Mike is amazing with our kiddos). Thank you for doing this, Mike. You have no idea how much we appreciate this!!!!

Thank you for journeying with us throughout this past year. Your prayers and support have been wonderful and we are so thankful that you all are in our lives. God bless you all!

Luke is a BIG brother!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! We received an early Valentine present (and birthday present for me--it is tomorrow) on February 11th: James Benedict Haberman was born at 2:03 pm on Wednesday. They decided to perform the c-section early as my blood pressure rose and I had protein in my urine (gross, I know). Also, James' fluid level had been cut in half. We were sent to the hospital on Tuesday and James arrived the next day. We were nervous because he was only 36 weeks, 4 days gestation, but he came out crying and breathing without the help of oxygen. We also found out that James had TWO (yes, two) knots in his cord, which Dr. Tinker told us is very rare. James was baptized by the sweetest deacon right after birth and was transported to LeBonheur shortly after that. James is now resting comfortably at LeBonheur, awaiting surgery. Please visit www.caringbridge.org/visit/jameshaberman to read more about our newest miracle!

Today is a bitter sweet Valentine's Day. We have welcomed a true miracle, yet we are missing another one. Today is National Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Day. This time last year, we never would have guessed what an impact CHDs would have on our lives. CHDs are horrible, but with enough funding and support, one day they can hopefully be erased. That is the problem: there is not near enough funding for research, yet so many children are affected by CHDs. It is our hope that one day CHDs will no longer exist. Here is some helpful information on congenital heart defects (from http://www.itsmyheart.org/):

* Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 birth defect. Source: March of Dimes
* Congenital Heart Defects are the #1 cause of birth defect related deaths. Source: March of Dimes
* About 1 out of every 100 babies are born each year with some type of Congenital Heart Defect. (approx. 40,000/year) Source: Children’s Heart Foundation
* The American Heart Association directs only $0.30 of every dollar donated toward research. The remainder goes toward administration, education and fundraising efforts. Of the $0.30 that goes toward research only $0.01 goes toward pediatric cardiology for CHD. Source: Children’s Heart Foundation
* This year approximately 4,000 babies will not live to see their first birthday because of Congenital Heart Defects. Source: Children’s Heart Foundation
* The cost for inpatient surgery to repair Congenital Heart Defects exceeds $2.2 billion a year. Source: Children’s Heart Foundation
* Of every dollar the government spends on medical funding only a fraction of a penny is directed toward Congenital Heart Defect research. Source: Children’s Heart Foundation
* Though research is ongoing, at least 35 defects have now been identified.
* 4-8% born with CHD have Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome
* 4-10% born with CHD have Atrioventricular Septal Defects
* 8-11% born with CHD have Coarctation of the Aorta
* 9-14% born with CHD have Tetralogy of Fallot
* 10-11% born with CHD have Transposition of the Great Arteries
* 14-16% born with CHD have Ventricular Septal Defects
* Although some babies will be diagnosed during gestation or at birth, sometimes the diagnosis is not made until days, weeks, months, or even years after. In some cases, CHD is not detected until adolescence or adulthood. Source: March of Dimes
* It is a proven fact that the earlier CHD is detected and treated, it is more likely the affected child will survive and have less long term health complications. Source: March of Dimes

These are some scary statistics. Please join us in prayer that research for CHDs will receive the funding that is desperately needs. There is an HLHS baby in the NICU with James right now and it breaks our hearts to think about what that sweet baby and his/her parents are going through right now. Please pray for this sweet baby as well as all of the other sweet babies fighting right now. Thank you for continuing to check in on us and for showing your support for our family. We are so thankful for you all and for our angel Luke. God bless you all!!!!

It's been a while...

Hi everyone! It has been quite a long time since I have posted. I think this is the longest that I have gone between posts. Maybe it is a sign of healing? Maybe it is a sign of being busy? I am not sure, but I do know that I think of and talk about our angel each and every day. He is always in my thoughts and prayers. I always feel badly because I share our journey with Luke with complete strangers. People will ask me if James is our first child and I tell them "no, he is our fourth". After they pick their jaws up, they ask me the ages of the others. I can't ignore the fact that Luke is our third child, so I tell them about Emily, Matthew, and our special angel. Then, we usually talk about James and his omphalocele. I often feel guilty for pouring my heart out to a complete stranger, but then again, the more people who know our story and who pray for our babies, the better!

The other day, I was searching for HLHS poetry and found this really neat poem. I had never seen it before and thought I would share it with all of you. I think it is really sweet and nice. It really points to the fact that Luke was "loaned" to us from God. I feel privileged that Tommy and I were chosen to be the parents of an amazing angel, as well as parents to three other miracles! Here is the poem:

A Child Loaned
This is a poem is found in the prologue to the book Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome: A Guide for Parents

I'll lend you for a little time

a child of mine,"

He said,"for you to love the whole while he lives.

It may be six or seven years

or twenty-two or three,

but will you, till I call him back,

take care of him for me?"

"He'll bring his charm to gladden you,

and should his stay be brief,

you'll have his lovely memories

as solace for your grief."

"I cannot promise he will stay

since all from earth return,

but there are lessons taught down there

I want this child to learn."

"I've looked this wide world over

in my search for teachers true,

and from the things that crowd life's lane

I have selected you."

"Now will you give him all your love

nor think the labor vain,

Nor hate me when I come to call

and take him back again?"

"I fancied that I heard them say

'Dear Lord, Thy will be done,

for all the joy the child shall bring

the risk of grief we'll run.'

'We'll shelter him with tenderness;

We'll love him while we may,

and for the happiness we've known

forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him

much sooner than we planned,

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes

and try to understand.'"

- Edgar Guest

I hope you enjoyed this beautiful poem! We have had a lot of fun lately and have some great pictures. I will post them the next time I write. The kids have had snow and went to a sock hop--I can't wait to share our pics!

On the James front, we have an announcement: we have begun a CaringBridge site for him and the address is www.caringbridge.org/visit/jameshaberman. Please be sure to visit to get updates on James. We thought it would be great for James to have his own site...please visit and send the site to all of your friends and family. The latest update on him is on there--hope you enjoy our new site!

Once again, God bless you all for your support, love, and faith. You are amazing people and we are so thankful for all of you.

Ten Months Old

Happy birthday, baby boy! Luke would be 10 months old today. I can't believe that it was ten months ago today that we learned our baby boy had a severe CHD. So much has changed since our angel was born: watching him fight through a major surgery and its recovery, being home with him, losing him, learning that we had another miracle on the way, moving and leaving our family and friends, making new friends, finding out we were having another boy and then finding out he also has an issue...through all of this, we have tried to keep one thing constant: prayer. I have always felt that Tommy and I were prayerful people, but we have never relied on God as much as we have these past 10 months. And I have to say that it has been wonderful. It has been so good for me to be able to ask God to take away my worry and anxiety. Do I still get nervous abut ultrasounds? Yes. Do I still worry constantly about James and his omphalocele? Yes. Do I believe that God will always take care of our family? YES! The past ten months have taught me to trust in God more than ever and I thank Him for that gift.

Below is a picture I meant to send out weeks ago. My parents went to visit Luke at the cemetery in December and brought him a special present: his own Christmas tree. We are so thankful that others can visit Luke as it is very difficult for us to deal with the fact that we cannot visit him. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for this kind gesture for our baby. I know he thinks his Christmas tree is the coolest ever!


On the James front, we had another ultrasound today (we are now going every two weeks). Everything is stable and there were no changes. His heart looked beautiful and everything else checked out. His omphalocele is stable and his growth is good. He weighs about 4 pounds 2 ounces, although we will never be able to get a perfect weight as part of his insides are on the outside (to put it bluntly). The doctor said that we just need to focus on a room color, which made us feel good (he has told us this before). He only spent about five minutes with us, which we also look at as a good sign. James passed his biophysical profile (BPP) within the first ten minutes, which also made us happy. As you can see, we have no pictures as James decided to keep both hands in front of his little face. One hand kept opening and closing as if he was waving at us. He is a little stinker! I see my regular OB tomorrow and will see the perinatalogist in two weeks. As always, we appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers.

We hope that you all have a wonderful week. Thank you for checking up on us. God bless you all!

Christmas in Review...

MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! I know, it's a little late, but I have never been known to be on time--just ask Tommy. We had a very busy Christmas here at home. Nana (Tommy's mom) came to visit and we had a great time. To say that this was the most difficult Christmas we have faced would be an understatement. Of course we missed our angel Luke so much. This time last year, we were filled with hope, expecting another baby girl (note: if you recall, Luke was a "girl" for TWO ultrasounds), and looking forward to 2008. Little did we know that we not only had a boy on our hands, but a boy who was quite sick (but also very strong). As we have said throughout this journey, Luke brought so much love and strength to our family. We would not be the same without him. This Christmas, we are once again filled with hope, expecting another one of God's miracles, and looking forward to the year ahead. Tommy and I were eager to welcome 2009 and all of the blessings it will bring. We had our good friends, Jacque and Rich, and their three kiddos visit for the New Year. Rich and Jacque introduced us, so we are very thankful to have them as friends. We had fun doing "old people" things like playing board games and reminiscing about high school and college. I even pulled out our old yearbooks! Here are some pictures of the past few weeks:

Emily and Matthew before Mass on Christmas Eve

Me and Tommy before Mass

Tommy and Nana before Mass

I know it's a dark video, but I thought the kids looked cute throwing out reindeer food for Rudolph and his friends. We mixed oatmeal and sugar crystals so that the reindeer could see the food from the sky. This is a tradition that the kids love!

We took Nana to see the ducks at The Peabody Hotel in Memphis. It was a fun time!

These are a few new pics of Sweet Baby James at 30 weeks, 2 days. James is still growing well and is at the 46% for size. We are feeling so thankful and so blessed that he is doing so well with his growth. Although the omphalocele is staying stable (thank you, God!), the perinatalogist thought that he saw a little liver in there, so we are praying that this is not the case. ***As a side note, the tech said it was still only small bowel*** We are feeling more confident that the omphalocele is all that we will be dealing with and I am constantly thankful to God for giving me moments of peace that all will be ok with our little boy. I feel so selfish for always asking for prayers, but I know that they work and that God is hearing them, so please keep them coming! We are still praying for a miracle and that the omphalocele will go away--we do believe in miracles!!!! We are also still praying for no chromosomal issues, no growth in the omphalocele, continued growth for James, and that only the small bowel remains. Thank you, in advance, for your prayers! PS...I love the pic of James sucking his thumb--he was also sticking his tongue out at the kids when they were in the ultrasound room!

BIG NEWS! Emily had a huge day today...after growing it out for 1 1/2 years, Emily cut her hair today. She is donating it to Locks of Love and is so happy that she will be able to help another child who is sick. We are so proud of our little girl and we think she looks just fabulous with her stacked cut! Above is Emily's before picture.

During...my eyes got a little teary!

Our beautiful big girl after. She can't wait to show off her new 'do at school on Monday!

Once again, thank you for your constant thoughts and prayers. We are so blessed to have people like you all who check up on us and who pray for our family. God bless you all and we hope that you have a happy and blessed New Year!