7 months

It has been seven months since our angel entered heaven. This is always such an emotional roller coaster of a day, but rather than focus on losing Luke, I would like to share the story of Luke's arrival into our world. When you have a child born with a serious issue, everyone is focused on getting him better, not so much on how he entered the world (which is totally fine by us, as we only asked for prayers for Luke's little life). When Em and Matt were born, the first thing that was asked was "how was labor?". With Luke, our only concern was that we could get the necessary care for him to live. So, here it goes:

On March 11th, Tommy and I went to see Dr. Westmoreland. I was about 39 weeks and, like my other two, Luke was totally content in my belly. We decided to induce the following morning. Then, she "got things going" (I don't want to get into too much detail) and I began having contractions every few hours. This was not labor, though, just a few contractions here and there. The contractions intensified during the night, but nothing to constitute actual labor. We woke up at about 5:00 am on March 12th to begin calling the hospital for induction. Much to our excitement and surprise (Matthew's induction was pushed back for FOUR days), the hospital had a room for us and told us to be there by 7 am...we were there by 6:30, just in case. Once we got in the room, we waited for Dr. Westmoreland to come in and break my water. That happened around 9:30 or so. At about 11:00, they decided to start me on some pitocin to get the contractions coming. They were there, but not great. Well, we have figured out (after two inductions) that with Bernie, you need to break the water and give pitocin. In my case, water broken + pitocin = fast baby! That is just what happened. By about 12 pm, I was ready to push and we welcomed our baby boy a few minutes later (two pushes, I think). Everything went relatively fast and easily. We didn't have a lot of screaming (just a little--no epidural for me b/c of my scoliosis) and we welcomed a gorgeous, fat-faced little boy into our lives. He was pink and loud. I remember looking at him as they checked him out shortly after birth, thinking "wow! His nose is just like Matthew's". I held him, nursed him (wondering why the nurse kept having to nudge him awake), and questioned the nurse about the grayish tint to his hands. She reassured me that many babies have that and it was his body getting used to pumping blood by itself. I never noticed it with the other two and I think my mother's intuition was working overtime (as it did throughout the entire pregnancy). About two hours later, they took my baby boy from me. They didn't bring him back. They told me of his diagnosis, and they put him in a helicopter. I have a great fear of helicopters and I can't believe that I had to let my little boy go on a helicopter all by himself. How scared and confused he must have been.

The Family (minus our precious James :) ) shortly after Luke's birth, but before his diagnosis.

Thank you for letting me share our birth story. It was beautiful and it was perfect, just like our Luke. As I sit here remembering that day and sobbing, I can't help but think about where we will be in about 3 months. I am so fearful of letting them take another one of my boys from me after birth. I ask that you please continue to pray for James and that he continues to grow, that he does not have a chromosomal issue, and that his omphalocele heals. Please pray for me and Tommy and that we can give our fears to God--we need to concentrate on our family and children. God bless you all and thank you for everything!!!!

8 Months ago...

We would like to introduce you to Luke Thomas:

We finally have a video to introduce our Wittle Bubba! I had a few videos on my camera and thought this one was pretty cute. I had to buy a new connector for the computer, so that is why it took so long. Sorry about that. Anyway, me and the kids watched this video today (it has been a long time since I watched it). I have to say that it was extremely difficult to see, but at the same time, it was amazing. Here is this little boy who fought more during his short life than most people fight in 80 years. It has been a while since I heard Luke's cry. I fear that I have forgotten that cry, but once I hear it, I know who it belongs to: an angel...a beautiful, sweet, amazing angel. I wanted you all to "meet" Luke since only a few people can say they were able to meet a true angel! Please just tune out me and Tommy in the background...the most important person in this video is Luke! Happy Birthday tomorrow, little guy. We love you and miss you so much! Enjoy!!!!

March 12, 2008 waiting to be admitted to L&D. We had no idea how much our lives would be changed just a few hours later. By the way, I think I am about that big right now with James! :)

This is one of my favorites of Tommy and Luke, right before we gave our baby to the doctors so that they could save his life (the Norwood).

Mommy and Luke before surgery.

Obligatory sleeping Daddy and Baby pic in the hospital. Luke had to wear socks on his hands because he kept pulling out his NG tube. What a little stinker!

I also wanted to include some pictures of our trip to Disney and one from Halloween. We really had a fun time relaxing and spending time together!

The twins...yes, she is half mine!

Told you I was big! :)

We love Eeyore!

Cousin Lauren, Em, Aunt Julie, Uncle Bob, and Matt

Haberman Men!

High School Musical Cheerleader and Soldier

As always, thank you for keeping James Benedict in your prayers. JB is already such a big part of our lives and we are constantly praying that he will get to grow up healthy and strong with our family. He has become quite the little kicker and that makes me so happy. The kicks are my favorite part of pregnancy--a little secret between me and my babies! We continue to pray for a miracle and that James' omphalocele goes away. Thank you to Father Paul at Guardian Angels for offering a Healing Mass for James Benedict. The Tierneys (Katie's family) are parishioners there. We really appreciate this kind gesture and have even more faith that our little boy will be just fine. Please keep any and all prayers coming!

Thank you, also, for continuing to pray for all of the children living with CHDs. God welcomed another angel this week, Katie Manning, who had HLHS (http://katiemanning.wordpress.com/). She is another amazing soul and I know that she is doing wonderfully up in heaven with all of our angels. God bless you all!

Sweet Baby James

One word: AMAZING!!!! Tommy and I were able to see our sweet boy again today and let me tell you, he is a handsome little man! We checked everything out once again and once again, James looked GREAT! His heart, brain, and kidneys all looked wonderful and perfect! I watched as the tech wrote "no other abnormalities noted" (or something like that :) ). WOW!

Today we met with Dr. BK (Dr. Schneider's partner). It was good to get another opinion on James and his diagnosis. Dr. BK said that he was more reassured rather than less reassured after today's ultrasound. This made us feel really good. He said it is a good thing that James' omphalocele is bigger as the smaller ones tend to go along with chromosomal abnormalities. He said to prepare for a surgery (or maybe a few) to fix it and that James will have a great scar to show off to the other little boys. Of course, we will not feel 100% until James is born and we know for sure everything that we are dealing with, but we are a lot more positive after today's visit.

We have a lot of faith that James is fine and that we will just get over the "surgical bump" after he is born. God has given us a lot of peace about this and we believe that all will be ok with James (JB). Last night, I went to bed feeling very calm and even woke up in a calm mood this morning. Did I get nervous and sick to my stomach at the office? Of course I did, but God let us see our perfect little boy and that made me feel a lot better! It doesn't hurt that God has our little angel Luke whispering in His ear asking him to help our his baby bubba!

Thank you, once again, for your continued prayers for our family. James still needs lots and lots of prayers, so please keep them up! If you would like a specific prayer, here are a few:
* that there is no chromosomal abnormality
* that the omphalocele shrinks (that can happen) or that it goes away completely--St. Rita is the patron saint of impossible things if you are looking for someone to intercede :)
* that James continues to grow at a steady pace (he is already 1 pound!)--we want him to be full term!!!!
* that his heart continues to look healthy and whole.

Thank you so much and God bless all of you!!!!

The Most Magical Place on Earth!

Good evening everyone! We have had a CRAZY week! On Friday, we picked the kiddos up from school and drove to Macon, Georgia to visit Great Gramma. We spent Friday and Saturday night in Macon to celebrate Emily's 6th birthday and Great Gramma's 90th birthday. You should see my grandmother--no one believes she is 90 (even her doctors)! She has 9 children, 26 grandchildren, and MANY great-grandchildren. Emily and Matthew just love spending time with her, Uncle Jon, and Aunt Debby. We celebrated birthdays on Saturday with ice cream cake and presents.

We have big news for our little James: we asked Jon and Debby to be his godparents. It was pretty easy to figure out who his godparents would be as Jon is amazing with children and Debby made such an impact on our lives when Luke was with us. We gave them each a note asking if they would be James' godparents and explaining why we chose them. I know that they will both take their role seriously and we are so thankful that they accepted our request. James is a very lucky little boy.

On Sunday, we drove to Orlando for a much needed vacation at DISNEY WORLD! We had so much fun. It is amazing to see Disney through the eyes of children. Em and Matt were so brave and went on every ride that they were able to ride on. The only ride Matthew couldn't go on was Space Mountain. It's funny because they are more afraid of little dogs than they are of roller coasters. The only ride that none of us were too excited about was Stitch's Escape--kind of boring to us and scary for them. I will post pics as soon as I can find my computer hook-up. We also got to meet up with Uncle Bob, Aunt Julie, and Cousin Lauren at Epcot. The kids had SO much fun with them and we are so glad that we were able to see them. Thanks for coming out, guys!

On the way home, we stopped in Alpharetta to stay the night with my sister, Brigid, and her family. Emily and Matthew spent the evening with Isabel and Cecilia and the next day with Sabrina. As always, they had a blast. Matthew and Sabrina make quite a cute, fresh team!!!!
We are looking forward to Halloween tomorrow. Emily is a cheerleader from High School Musical and Matthew is a soldier. They are excited and I am looking forward to all of the candy (not that I haven't already broken into our stash!). This is the first time in a few years that Nana hasn't been with us for Halloween, so we will miss her a lot. We have heard from neighbors to expect a lot of kids, so that should be fun. Tommy and I will split up trick-or-treating duties...I will take the short route and he will take the longer one.

Tomorrow will be bitter sweet because we will miss Luke a lot. What would he dress up as? What would he look like? Would he be full of smiles? It is so hard to believe that we lost him...we should have all four of our children, not just three of them. We look forward to watching James enjoy Halloween next year! We hope that everyone has a fun and safe Halloween!!!!

On the James front...BIG NEWS! Tommy was able to feel our little guy kick me this morning! He gave a few big thumps when we woke up. This is so great as it proves that James is growing and getting stronger. I think that feeling kicks is one of the most amazing things about pregnancy. It is so wonderful to know that I have a baby growing inside of me. I love it and I love him! We have a big ultrasound on Monday with the perinatalogist. It will be another level 2 ultrasound checking out his omphalocele, looking at his heart, and looking for any other issues. PLEASE join us in praying that James is ok and that there are no other defects present. We already love him so much and just want to be able to watch him grow up big and strong! Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Speaking of prayers, I would like to ask you to pray for another heart baby, Lindsay. Her site is www.lindsaysheart.blogspot.com. Lindsay is just over 4 months old and has HLHS. She is a beautiful little girl who is fighting off a bad infection right now. Lindsay has had multiple open heart surgeries and has just been re-intubated due to the infection. Lindsay has an amazing family and could really use prayers to get her over this infection. I am sure that Lindsay's mom and dad would enjoy any words of prayer on her blog. Lindsay's blog is listed to the right of this post as well as other heart blogs. If you get a chance, please check out these amazing babies and their families. The amount of faith that these families have is inspiring.

Once again, thank you for your continued prayers for our family. Our faith is what is helping us get throught these tough times and you all help us to keep that faith. God bless you all!!!!

Happy 6th Birthday Sweet Girl!

THEN:

NOW:

I can't believe that our little girl is a GREAT BIG six years old! I keep thinking back to 6 years ago today...Emily arrived with a vengeance and we were finally PARENTS! I remember that Emily was very sleepy her first day out of my tummy. My sister Rita attributed it to the fact that I had been taking vicodin for the pain. So, I stopped the meds and went with the pain. Emily eventually became more alert, but she was always our best sleeper. Emily began sleeping through the night at 1 1/2 months and was just a calm, sweet baby. She has grown into such a lovely young lady. She is kind, thoughtful, and empathetic to others' feelings. Emily is also quite opinionated and has a mind of her own. The whole clothes issue is making its way into our home--school mornings are so much fun! We look forward to watching Emily grow even more. Thank you to our baby girl for being such a wonderful example to her brothers--she is our sweet snuggler!

I just wanted to give a quick update on James (or JB as Tommy plans on calling him)...yesterday, Tommy and I went to see Dr. Tinker for a belly check. Dr. Tinker was very pleased with James' growth and his heartbeat. It was a strong 145 BPM. We talked to Dr. Tinker a lot about our last ultrasound. He really made us feel a lot better about the trisomy factor and we are trusting in God that James will be fine. We have a few specific prayers for James: (1) that he does not have trisomy 13 or 18 (or any other chromosomal issue), (2) that his omphalocele does not get bigger and that only the small intestine remains involved (we don't want to have to worry about the stomach, liver, etc.) (3) that we have a good ultrasound on November 3rd with no changes, (4) that James continues on the growth curve and that he continues to thrive. Like I said, Tommy and I have faith that James is going to be just fine. True, we will have a bump after he is born, but we feel as though we can handle this bump easily. Once again, thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend! God Bless!

Seven Months

Today is our angel's 7 month birthday. Just 7 months ago, the only thing we knew about HLHS was that is was really bad. We never thought it would affect our lives so much. We never thought that we would lose a child to the awful CHD. We never thought we would have an angel. But though we miss Luke terribly, we are so thankful that he is a part of our lives. Each day, Tommy and I thank God for the blessings He has given us. We are so thankful that God blessed us with our HLHS miracle and we are so thankful that He has given us the strength to get through the tough times. We pray that God continues to bless us and that He makes us stronger each day.

This week has been a tough one with James' diagnosis of an omphalocele. But we are praying like CRAZY and we are thanking God for this wonderful gift. We have faith that we can get through the tough times once again and that He will see us through. Please join us in prayer for our unborn miracle and please know that we are so thankful for all of you. We hope you have a great week and God Bless you all!

And the winner is...

JAMES BENEDICT HABERMAN

We are very excited to announce our little boy's name and are so happy that he has such a BIG name as he is already such a BIG part of our lives. We have put a lot of thought into James' name and we are confident that it is very fitting for him. Here was our thought process on choosing our little boy's name...

As far as James goes, we have seen many signs over the past few days. James is a name that we had thought of as it is a family name (my father's middle name and both of his grandfathers), but it was one name out of a few. Each of our children has one family name (Emily "Bernadette", "George" Matthew, and Luke "Thomas"), so we thought it fitting that James also has a family name. I had mentioned to my friend, Jill, that we really liked the name James and the next day I received an e-mail from her saying that they studied James 1 at her Bible Study that day and that it was so poignant given our situation. James talks about faith, prayer, and healing. One verse that Jill mentioned was "Blessed is the man who endures trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life which God has promised to those who love him." (James 1:12). Another reason that we chose James is because his name was used in the Anointing of the Sick ceremony on Wednesday. As soon as I heard Father Dennis use his name, I knew that was what we were going to call him. As I did more research on James and the Anointing of the Sick, I found that James has a biblical reference for healing: "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven." (James 5:14-15). This is amazing to me. We have total faith that God is going to keep our little James healthy and that he will live a long, full life. We are so thankful to God for sending us our new little boy!

The reason we chose Benedict is a little easier to explain: Tommy came home from work yesterday with the name. At first, I thought he may be kidding and that he was being silly, but once he told me what Benedict meant, I knew that should be James' middle name. Benedict means blessing. That is just what our James is: a BLESSING! He is a blessing from God and if it weren't for his big brother, we wouldn't be blessed enough to have him in our lives. Plus, we think that James Benedict Haberman flows pretty darn well...and it doesn't hurt that Benedict is the Pope's name! :)

Thank you for allowing us to share our baby boy's name with you all. As I said before, we put a lot of thought into choosing his name and we believe that we have come up with the perfect name. God bless you all and have a wonderful weekend!