It seems like just yesterday...

...that we welcomed our fourth child.

...that we heard his cry.

...that we knew he would live.

...that we saw his sweet face.

...that we watched as they took him.

...that they wrapped his belly in plastic.

...that we couldn't feed him.

...that we couldn't hold him.

...that we were reminded of God's infinite love.

WOW! Can you believe it? James is ONE YEAR OLD! What a day! It seems like just yesterday that we shared the news of Cuatro with all of you. Now he is a great big boy. He is a toddler. When did that happen? We are so thankful that James has joined our family and we are eternally grateful for the joy that he has brought to our family. We had a small celebration at home today, but will have a bigger gathering this weekend. Instead of gifts, we asked that people send items for the NICU at Le Bonheur. I have spoken with the charge nurse there and she let me know what they need: basics like preemie clothes, onesies, and toiletries. We are very excited to deliver the items on Tuesday and show everyone how well James is doing. One day soon, I will update with all of his tricks--he's a funny kid.

I wanted to share bits and pieces from our Caring Bridge posts on February 11th, 2009. I thought it would be great to show just how far our baby boy has come. Keep in mind that both Tommy and my sister were writing that day:

James Benedict Haberman was born and was screaming like a good little boy! They've taken him to NICU, and are evaluating him right now. Someone will post more when we get the details (weight, length, etc.), but for now the doctors seemed pretty optimistic.

It looks like the little man was quite the partier in utero - he had tied two knots in his umbilical cord (from all that dancing), and that is probably why his amniotic fluid was down. It's good that they got him out, and now the process of handling the omphalocele begins.

Apparently, the 4 week early baby boy is well over 6 pounds. In fact, he's 6 pounds 15 ounces. Almost 7 pounds! Holy cow! I just talked with Tommy and he told me that James is rosy and pink, and absolutely adorable. Tommy is on his way to LeBonhueur as I type. Bernie is still at Methodist Germantown, and she's definitely happy to have Baby James here. She needs to get some rest and take care of herself so that she can get over to see Baby James soon.

I [Tommy] just returned from LeBonheur and a nice visit with James. However, you never get used to NICU's and all the monitors and the constant beeping, wondering if there is something wrong with your child.

James continues to do very well. They did some initial blood work and it came back with great results. Although the surgery itself will be stressful, tomorrow might be the most important day in terms of James' prognosis. The doctors will perform a series of tests on James' heart, kidneys, brain, and chromosomes to determine if there are any other anomalies. Please pray that these tests come back "negative" and that the only thing we will deal with is the surgery to fix James' omphalocele.

I was able to meet with a member of the surgical team. He was very happy with James right now. His guess was that surgery would be early next week or possibly over the weekend. He said the omphalocele looks very good and that it only contains small intestines. James also had a couple of diaper changes while I was there which the doctors were also happy about as it indicates that all his intestines/bowels are working as they should

Thank you for your prayers and support. It's amazing to open the guestbook and see all those people thinking about our family.

When I read these words, I still get teary eyed. I think about what a blessing all of our children are and how thankful Tommy and I are that we have them in our lives. We are thankful for our family friends and how supportive they have been over the past year(s). We are also thankful for all of you and your constant thoughts and prayers. We always enjoy seeing your comments and appreciate your taking the time to check in on us. Have a wonderful weekend and God bless!

PS...don't you just love the pics of James? Check out http://www.shannonpaynephotography.com/. She does a great job (thanks to my friend, Katie, for sending Shannon's info.).

Mommy...

...is the only job I ever wanted.
...is what I call the strongest woman I know.
...is the sweetest word my children say.
...is a privilege I wish Daddy could have. :)
...is something I became when Emily was in my womb.
...is a badge I wear with pride.
...is everything I ever prayed to be.
...is the opportunity to teach.
...is the best benefit of being a woman.
...is the scariest, yet most amazing thing I will ever be.
...is security for little ones.
...is a blessing that I was given.
...is the gift given by God to carry a new life.
...is the one thing, the one thing I long to hear him say.

* In Honor of Emily, Matthew, and James and in memory of Luke Thomas*
MOMMY loves you all!

Seriously, Bernie.

I cannot understand why I have been so bad about blogging lately. I mean, how hard is it to let everyone know about our lives? How difficult is it to share our triumphs and our sorrows? The truth is, I was never really good at blogging. I will let you in on a little secret: I have another blog. I started it when Emily was 3 and Matthew was 1. You know, the days when the only health issues Tommy and I had to worry about were ear infections or tummy bugs. Looking back on the old blog, I have to laugh. It seems as if we were always at the doctor's office for something. But thankfully, those trips to Dr. Irani were for the "little" things. How I long for the "little" things. For some odd reason, the blog just stopped. I just stopped writing. Maybe it was the dawn of Facebook or the fact that I started working again that fall. I'm not sure why I stopped, but I did. I don't ever want to stop this blog. It represents so much to me: a legacy that no one, and I mean no one, can take away from our family. There are some great pics of Em and Matt when they were wee little ones, so please check the other blog out at: http://www.houseofhaberman.blogspot.com/. Let me know what you think! :)

As for our family, we are doing great! We had an amazing Christmas with Nana. Matthew had a wonderful Christmas program at preschool and Emily was a lamb in the Christmas pageant at church. Emily and Matthew finally got their Wii and James got a bunch of fun toys. I think his favorite one was the Busy Ball Popper from Playskool. James had a clean ultrasound last month and his AFP numbers (from the blood test that checks for liver tumors) were low (which is a good thing). Please continue to pray for James and that he does not develop any tumors. We were so thankful to be able to enjoy Jesus' birthday with our family. We can't imagine the celebration that Luke had with Jesus that day.

Now on to the heavy stuff...I'm not going to lie. It's been difficult lately. I'm not sure why. It may be because holidays are always more tough without Luke. It may be that his second birthday is in a few months. It may be that his legacy is about to be one year old. I'm not sure why. What I do know is that I miss him like crazy. I miss him so much. I still can't believe he is gone. I recently had one of those moments: the kind where I can't believe any of this has happened. Did we really lose a baby? It's just not possible.

It is at difficult times when God steps in and shows me the way. I may not know it at the time, but He does. This evening at Mass, I had to take James into the narthex. *side note: the kid loves to hear his echo, which is not such a good thing during the gospel reading* So the naughty (but extremely cute) boy and I walked around the narthex for a little bit. While checking out the information table, I saw a pamphlet on St. Therese. I know a lot of friends who know a lot about St. Therese, but I didn't know anything about her...until tonight. WOW! She has quite a story, filled with death and heartache. Therese was the youngest of 9, but only five of them lived to adulthood. Her mother died when she was four years old. Instead of dwelling in her sorrows, Therese decided to look for God in everything. Therese spoke of her "little way", looking to God as a child. She taught others to look for God in everything: in flowers, in kind gestures, in a smile. As I said, Therese did not dwell in her hardships or her sadness. Instead, she sought out God during these times and learned to trust Him. Trust. Trust Him. I could learn a lot from this young girl's life (Therese passed away from Tuberculosis when she was 24 years old).

I needed this tonight. I needed to remember that I must trust God as a child trusts his/her mother or father. Do I like the fact that we lost Luke? No. But I know that there is a grand plan and that God knew me before He formed me. I need to remember that even when I hurt, I can use my own "little ways" to make the day brighter for another person. Therese suffered silently, but showed kindness to others. I need to be more like her. I need to be more childlike in my faith. I pray that God will help show me the way.

On a super great awesome exciting note...we are coming to HOUSTON! We are going to spend spring break in H-Town. We are so excited to see our friends and family. I was talking to my amazing friend, Nicole (you may remember her as the brave neighbor who changed out our toilet seats before we put the house on the market) the other day. She has her own little miracle baby, Billy, who I cannot wait to meet. Anyway, Nicole and I were talking and she asked when we were planning to return to Houston. After a quick discussion, she and I devised a plan in which we would come during spring break. The most amazing part about it, you ask? We will be there to celebrate Luke's birthday with him. That's right, we don't have to wish we were at his site as we will be there. The even more amazing part, you ask? We are going to have a birthday party for him, right there at his site. We will have cake and goodies, along with 38 balloons to release...one for each day that he lived. If you live in or around Houston, please consider coming to Luke's birthday party. We would love to have those who can make it come to celebrate our angel's 2nd birthday. More information to come...

Thanks for listening to me ramble on tonight. There is just so much to share. Please scroll down as there are a few pictures from Christmas. Also, in case anyone wants to know, Luke's Tree had over $7000 in donations from all over the United States!!!! That is amazing and we are so thankful it was such a success. We are working on becoming non-profit, so if any of you have done this and can offer some advice, we would love it! God bless and take care of yourselves!

Christmas in Pictures

Check out Luke's Tree

It's done!!!! Please visit www.lukestree.blogspot.com to see the post about our delivery today. We are so thankful for this chance and for all of your support. God bless you all!

The Tree...

So you have heard about Luke's Tree, now you can see it for yourself. All 11 families are being helped and we are so thankful for the outpouring of support and prayers. We are hopeful that this project will continue to grow year after year. God bless you all!

The Tree in the CVICU. Everything has to be flame resistant...fun fact for the day: if you ever need to find flame resistant paper, simply go to www.officedepot.com to purchase it.

One of the hearts up close. It matches the shape of the heart on the Luke's tree logo. On the back, it explains how to help and how to adopt a family.

Finally...

Not many words, just pictures. These are from Halloween, Emily's 7th birthday party, Matthew's big fat lip from when he fell off of his scooter, Thanksgiving photo shoot with my sister...and then just some fun ones thrown in. We are still so busy with Luke's Tree. ELEVEN families are being helped through this awesome opportunity. Thank you for your support and prayers...please also pray for these families as some are facing some unimaginable hardships. Check out www.lukestree.blogspot.com. God bless!